DO WE STAY A FAMILY OF TWO?
In January, a little over a month ago now, we had to make the hard decision to have Boo put to sleep. It was incredibly hard, as any pet owner knows, but I am sincerely grateful that he was actually at the end and the choice was in his best interest. We know he didn’t suffer and he went very peacefully. This is the first time in my entire life I have been without a pet and it’s been hard. I feel quite lonely and have been craving nurturing. We always knew we never wanted kids, but I have always been drawn to animals-all kinds. We have had cats, a dog, rabbits, guinea pigs, a chinchilla and I had fish and gerbils when I was younger. I miss caring for them, checking them everyday, cuddling and talking to them. Now I have no responsibilities to make sure anyone else is ok everyday. I think that has been the weirdest piece, not having pets in my routine has removed a responsibility. We have sat down a few times to hash out the current pet-less situation and it all comes down to responsibility.
THE POSITIVES OF RESPONSIBILITY
I enjoy nurturing and taking care of animals. I have always found that I feel a lot more comfortable around them than I do people. I’m that stereotypical person at a party who will find the host’s cat and would rather pet them than carry on a conversation with another guest. It’s not that I’m antisocial, I just prefer to listen versus be part of many conversations. Having a pet gives me someone to spend my time with, a dog can go for walks that are otherwise lonely or can have breakfast with me. A pet is constant companionship. Dogs I find to be higher on the companion scale, whereas our cats were there and loving but their aloofness made them less clingy. A dog would need to be potty trained both to go outside and probably pad trained for when we were gone most of the day. A cat can be left alone for a few days and only needs a food top-up and a litter box clean out every other day if we are away.
THE NEGATIVE OF RESPONSIBILITY
Honestly, this would all be a no-brainer if there wasn’t one huge looming piece: we have a plan to travel. If it were a week here or there I think that would be no problem. However, the plan is more like a month here, two months there, possibly even longer. With a cat, that becomes hard. Where they are easy to leave for a weekend away, they are much harder to leave with someone for a month, unless we would pay a service to come and check in. The big negative here is how fair is that to the cat? The loneliness they would experience being left home and only briefly checked on every few days would be cruel. With a dog, we have been offered to leave the dog with family, but again, leaving for months at a time would be both intrusive on family and might feel like abandonment to the dog. I wouldn’t want to be here and then gone over and over, leaving the dog’s routine in constant flux. Our dog, Ella, had pretty bad separation anxiety and I never felt it was healthy for her mentally when I left her for long periods. She just couldn’t handle it and would become very depressed. Granted, she had a lot of other mental health issues but I still felt guilty every time we left her.
We have discussed if it would be possible to travel with a small dog. While I find this intriguing, the reality is that it’s extremely hard to cross borders with a pat, and all that travel, would the dog even like it? We wouldn’t know until we tried. A lot of Europe is sort of pet friendly, but we would not be reliably able to tourist freely. Museums, restaurants, events, if they don’t allow a dog in, we either don’t go or we eave the dog in an apartment every day. Neither of those sounds very positive, a lot of planning and stress would go into it all.
AT AN IMPASSE
I don’t know where to go from here, and it’s not a place I like being. I am literally in a stalemate with myself. I want a pet for the responsibility and I don’t want a pet due to the responsibility. Where does it go from here? Can it go anywhere?
Last night I brought up the idea of adopting an older dog, one who might be over 10 and sunsetting, so that in 4 years when we are at the point of long-term travel being our reality the dog may no longer be around. I have one fear and that is the temperament of the dog. We got very unlucky with Ella so we would have to be very strict and work with a rescue to find a dog that actually worked for us instead of feeling guilty for having to turn one down. It’s a plan I am mulling over. Might it be good for me in the short term? It’s all so hard to say. Fostering was another idea, but I just know myself well enough to know I would fail at that and become attached-I have that problem.
Time will obviously tell what happens with all of this, but I just wish I had a clear direction. It feels like it is causing me stress and it isn’t even a major life circumstance. Bottom line is I am lonely. I don’t want my own mental health to suffer but I can’t make myself happy at the expense of another. I wish I had a crystal ball, might be helpful right about now.
